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.: posted by Francisca @ 11:19 PM

 
Stuck somewhere
     I got pretty energetic once I know that I'm going back to college and studying...I am still. I can't wait, I love everything whether it's at work or at school...or at home. Never the lesser problem in this world, I'm still undecided about which subjects to take. I'm supposed to take 3 subjects in 2 months but I was thinking of taking one and postpone 2. I hate postponing but I need a break...I hardly rested, ya know...been working, been studying, been doing all kinds of stuff and been overthinking too ;P Life's great, there are so much to ponder about.
.: posted by Francisca @ 9:35 PM

 
new aGenDa
     I was transferred to another branch yesterday and practically spent my entire day there doing some brochures and stuffs for a tour agency. At the same time, I met with two of my colleagues who I had never met before. Pretty cool, huh?

     It was a pretty calm day for me today until I got to know that my new semester will begin in...3 DAYS!!! Man, I didn't know that. It was printed 22nd March 2004 on my schedule but when I heard 15th, I was almost choked, even when I wasn't eating anything.

     Ya know, I still can't believe I actually tell my mom that I had a crush on someone. She started asking about a lot of stuffs...where he works, what job...blah, blah, blah. I did told her about this place (where he was working) before I told her that I had a crush on that guy (hint: not Tgihaco).

     I still can't believe I told her about it and then felt so insecure the whole night, afraid that she was gonna brought it up to my dad. I mean, ya know, I guess they've always been curious about who I'm gonna be with, right? But of course I'm not with that guy and was probably never gonna meet him again *sigh*, what a life. I'm gonna be 21, my cousins are getting married while I'm still single...not desperate to look for "the one" either *frown*.

     But ya know, the competition is getting stiffer...the guys I like who appeared single mostly turned out to be not single i.e. taken, or happily having a gf. Pathetic, huh? But I don't deserve any sympathy, I'm dead choosy and I might just die with it, haha...no kidding. I don't settle for second best, not in anything. What should I do? *think* Can't help myself...who cares. I'll think about this later cuz I'm pretty distracted by a bunch of guys standing near my workplace who are speaking so loudly in Mandarin and Cantonese...I'm not going there. One of them is cute...ar-aw, not looking at that person.

     About who my mom called "the victim of my uncertainty" (that guy I had a crush on a week ago, the one I told my mom about)...I still can't believe my mom called him that, he's better than my victim, right? He's not a victim, he's a guy I had a crush on and I promise, he's never gonna be a victim of my uncertainty because it'll either gonna "happen" or never will happen. I'm not sure when I'll meet him again, anyway.

     Honestly, I don't dislike my mom or anything but as far as relationship is concerned, she had always been very discouraging...I mean, can't she just encourage me for once? why did his job or which area he was living had to matter so much? I mean, she and probably some of my close ones really want me to pick a "good guy" who have a super steady income and gonna give me a "good" life but I'm not up for that. I just want my life and the freedom to choose and not stick to the conventional way of picking a boyfriend or husband for the matter.

     I mean, seriously, if I think that a guy is such a big loser, I'm never gonna fall for him, right? All I want to do now is to think from my own perspective and do what I feel right.

     Back to that guy (I didn't tell my mom his name or contact number), I asked my friends, "How do you know if a guy is single or taken" but none of them knew the answer. I doubt he's single...he's a fine guy. All I really hope is that he's "straight" (ya know what I mean) and I don't determine whether or not we'll ever be together because that's a cupid's job *lol* but whatever it is, I know that I'll be okay. If he's not the one for me, I'm gonna meet someone some other day...there are plenty of people who I haven't met, right? Then again, I'm really just giving myself some hope.

     I really want to see that guy again...but whenever I see him, I sorta ignored him like the other day. I didn't ignore him all together...when I saw him a few days ago (the last time we met), I saw him but it was so normal, I was shaking a little of course and my heart was beating so fast that I didn't walk to him for a while. Then we were talking and I didn't really shiver but my hands were numbed (can it be worse?) but he was more serious than the first time I met him.

     I don't know what's gonna happen next but I'm hoping that I'll be okay...no matter what.


.: posted by Francisca @ 1:45 PM